April 10, 2023

I’m Just Going to Start

Do you ever feel like you have so much to share and yet you’re not sure there’s room for one more voice amidst all the noise? Lately these are some of the thoughts I have had swirling endlessly in my head.

  • What do I have to say that anyone would even want to hear?
  • Who do I think I am to imagine anyone cares about reading anything I write?
  • I’m not a good writer.
  • How much will people judge me for being a bad writer?
  • I have no idea when to use an oxford comma.
  • I have no right to take up space on the internet when it’s already oversaturated with content.
  • What do I have to say that hasn’t been said before?
  • I have nothing to add, so I won’t even begin.
  • If I don’t begin, then can’t embarrass myself.

Problem is, I’m pretty good at embarrassing myself. Just ask my kids. I like to think it’s one of my superhuman strengths, actually. And yet, I have sat still, letting these thoughts ruminate in my head. I have stifled myself and kept quiet and diminished what I have to offer the world because it’s vulnerable to share thoughts and ideas without everything being perfectly packaged with a tidy bow on top. Especially for an organizer who likes to make calm out of chaos. But that’s not really me. I’m usually just trying to make it through the current day and take care of the important things so people don’t actually notice all the balls I’ve dropped. I’m really just a bit of organized chaos masquerading as a pulled together human. But aren’t we all?

It’s amazing how the world can give you what you need exactly when you need it. Like you put a problem out into the world and the answer just appears. I recently read Joanna Gaines’ newest book called The Stories We Tell. It’s like she was speaking directly to me on page twelve. In the very first chapter she reveals she, too, was struggling to believe anyone would want to read or story or that her story was worth sharing. As she continues, Joanna shares that she believes if it reaches one person, it will have been worth it to share her writings. I have to believe the same to be true of my own stories. If nothing else, I know it will make me feel more like myself to be writing more again and that is enough for me to put on my big girl pants and just start.

So why am I being so hard on myself? With a large deep breath, I’ve decided to lean into all of it and just begin again. I truly believe the best things in life can’t be planned so it’s best to just throw all sense of control out of the window. If you don’t believe me, just get a dog (or two, in my case). They will teach you that you truly have zero control over anything. (I’m also a little suspicious of people who don’t have animals. But that’s a story for another day.)

I’ve been feeling this “imposter syndrome” lately, holding myself back from moving forward, AND I have also been desperately wanting to get back to blogging and sharing my latest ramblings with the world. Mostly just to get it out of my own head. I don’t claim to know what I’m doing. Most of the time, I’m learning as I go. Just recently, I Iearned a better way to cut a sweet pepper. I was 43 years old when I learned a better way to do something I’ve done many times. The longer I get into this “adulting” situation, the more I realize that no one really knows what they’re doing and there are still so many ways to improve. So here I am, ready to have a newfangled start at baring my soul in my little corner of the interwebs. I feel so naked right now.

I kept a personal blog back when my kids were little. Our early family years were meticulously documented in poorly written snippets for all the internet to read. Turns out, it was a rough era for me. We moved many years in a row, never to places with family present or a support system in place and I was lonely and unsure how to get my own needs met, let alone be the best parent I could be. I had horrible postpartum depression and never sought help. I am still eternally grateful for those writings and insight into that moment in time and it’s hard for me to look back and see how difficult I was making it for myself. There are so many layers to being a new mom. Again, another story for another day. Blogging and sharing was routine for me back then and it connected me with some amazing people I still keep in contact with today. I believe my internet friends saved my sanity during those early mom years (Kelsey, Ashley, Britt, Erica, Melissa, Denise, I’m talking about you guys). Turns out, the internet can be a really cool place, if used correctly. So I find myself back here to give myself a chance to connect with my own thoughts and to connect with other people who might resonate with things I have to say. Everyone can learn from my (many) mistakes.

I believe in setting intentions and having some idea of where I want something to go before beginning. I always tell my clients, you don’t get in the car and drive aimlessly around the streets. You put your destination into Waze and off you go. Sure, sometimes you take a wrong turn or ignore the directions, but having that final destination in mind always keeps you heading the right way when things go off track. So as I start back up, I wanted to share my own intentions for this blog. I’m hoping to be honest and share my own light while amplifying other people’s light where I can. I intend to talk about all things organizing, photo organizing, travel and more. I intend to share something weekly, on average, with a little bit of flexibility, because, you know….life.

Thanks for being here for my ramblings on this human existence, organizing, and who knows what. I want to live my life with less stuff that’s cluttering up my space and my brain and more space for things that fill my soul. And I want that for you, too. I’ll try my best to be honest with you if you try your best not to judge my bad punctuation. We’re in this together.

Peace.

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